I never realized how different I’ve become until I was thrust out into being “single” again.
I used to be the girl that got SO caught up in my relationships. If I was seeing someone they were my ENTIRE world. This resulted in being doing poorly in school, having poor relationships with my family, sometimes hurting friendships. When things were good in whatever relationship I was in then I was on cloud 9. But when things were bad I let everything slide. I was inconsolable and it took me FOREVER to get over someone.
Case in point, the ex before my ex-husband. He and I only dated officially for 4 months. But we were on and off for two years after that. I know a lot of that was because I couldn’t let him go. The idea of him being with someone else felt like a knife through my heart. But he was so bad for me. Things were only ever on his time. I was always hidden. And that really screwed me up.
I’m not saying that my breakup with Dustin hasn’t been hard. Sometimes I find myself thinking about the future I thought we had and I get sad. When I came home and all his things were moved out I cried. But each time I reminded myself that it was the right thing to do, that our relationship wasn’t healthy and that I deserve so much more. I haven’t once skipped out on plans, I haven’t cried myself to sleep, I haven’t fallen apart.
I don’t know where this new strength comes from, if it’s simply that I’m older and wiser or if I’ve just changed my outlook on relationships and breakups.
I do know that whatever happens in the future, I’m not going to make anyone my everything. Have a boyfriend or husband can be a wonderful thing but I don’t want anyone to be my entire reason for living. I want to be with someone because they make me happy but I want to still recognize that other things make me happy too. And if there are bumps in the road I don’t want those bumps to totally steer me off course.