A Response


A few weeks ago, I wrote about a huge regret I had, losing my best friend Amber. For those that didn’t read that post, you can catch up here.

I mailed the card out and basically tried to put it out of my head.  I figured one of three scenerios could come of it:

  1. Amber could not give me any reply, in which case I’d be okay with it and at least be happy with the fact that I tried to repair our friendship.
  2. Amber could reply in a negative way.  Although this isn’t really her style I did try to prepare myself for it nonetheless (and I tend to be a glass half empty kind of girl so for me it was a possibility).
  3. Amber could reply back in a positive way.

Well.  Last night I came home to a really pretty card from Amber.  In it she wrote:

Hi Krysten ~

Thanks so much for the warm wishes – it was very nice of you to send a card.  I too am sorry things ended the way they did.  I hope you & Dustin are doing well & enjoying life in River Falls.  Jono and I have been doing well & Annabelle (their new baby) has been amazing.  We are very much looking forward to our new lives as parents.  Hope you are well =-)


Definitely nice.  And honestly, I was worried coming home to open the card.  So it’s a good thing.

But… now what?  I actually don’t have Amber’s number anymore and even if I did, I’m really not a phone person.  I always feel awkward on it and this feels like one of those situations in which the phone just wouldn’t work.  So do I leave it at that?  Do I write a letter?  Do I ask if she’d like to get together for lunch sometime?

I feel so unsure.  As I’ve mentioned, Amber was a good friend for a very long time.  I would love to meet up with her again and even if we can’t get to the closeness we once had I would love to see her.  But… I seriously feel jitters!  Like I’m asking a boy on a date or something!

What would you all do?  Would you write back?  Would you include your phone number?  Would you ask her to lunch?


  1. says

    It is so nice that she wrote back:) I would probably wait till Easter and send her another greetings card and maybe include a phone number so if she wants she can call you. Wish you a lovely day, sweetie

    Ps: I am hosting a beautiful GIVEAWAY later today! Hope you’ll join in :)

  2. says

    That was a great response, a very positive and light one. Do you have her email address? Can you ask to meet up to see the baby? (That way it's not like you're asking to meet up to re-hash whatever happened) It's a big deal, and you care, which is why you are nervous about it. Chances are you can fall into your old groove again – give it a whirl, meet up!!!

    (yay for a good response!!)

  3. says

    Is she on facebook??? I have rekindled SO many old friendships through FB. It's informal and easy to chat. Otherwise I like the idea earlier to send her an Easter Card with your number to get together. Just don't push it. Especially with her being a new mommy. I am sure her life is very busy right now:)

    Best of luck lady!

  4. says

    Since this is all new to both of you, I would write her back again and possibly keep a little pen pal thing happening for a while. You'll get to stay in touch and catch up a bit and get a feel for whether or not you're both ready to get together in person.

  5. says

    Thats so nice she got back to you. If it were me…i would write another letter back and do as suggested above, you can get to know each other again through being pen pals, then it wont be so awkward when you eventually get together! Good luck x

  6. says

    Yayay! Krysten I'm so happy that she wrote back. Honestly, I think that writing back and asking to get together for lunch may be a good stepping stone in the right direction – the phone isn't always effective; and correspondence can only go on for so long. :/

  7. says

    That was a very nice response from her… I would give it a little bit of time, maybe a couple of weeks, and write and see if she is interested in getting together for lunch? I think writing is better than calling… Good luck!!

  8. says

    that's so nice that she wrote you back. i would have also prepared myself for the worst.

    i like diana's idea – send another note for the next holiday. maybe you can be pen pals, at first at least. it might take some pressure off to just ease back into it.

    anyway, glad you had some good news. :)

  9. says

    I am sooo happy she responded in a positive manner!!!

    I would probably send her another letter including my email address and phone number, and depending on how she responds I would certainly ask her if she wanted to get together.

    I am sooo happy for the progress that has come out of this already!

  10. says

    oh yay! i'm so glad you heard back from her. i had a similar experience, and after about 3 years of not talking, i found her on FB and messaged her. she wrote back saying she felt the same way and was sorry for everything, and said she'd been thinking about writing me too. now we talk via blog and sometimes FB. she lives far away, otherwise i think we might have met up by now. i would say take it slow…maybe write her back in a few weeks? best of luck!!!

  11. says

    I would write her back and ask if she might want to get together for lunch so you can catch up. Include your email and phone number.

    I wouldn't say you want to meet up to see the baby… that seems like you want to get together just to see the baby. After she potentially agrees to having lunch or coffee or whatever, then you can say something like "Are you bringing Annabelle? I would love to meet her!"

    Of course I might not be right, but it's what I would do. I actually did have to do that with a friend once. Unfortunately she didn't have a cute baby to bring along. 😉

  12. says

    i don't think there's any right or wrong thing to do here. do whatever you want. she has left the door open to friendship if you would like to pursue that. i think she would probably be up for meeting for coffee or lunch or just building up the communication over the coming weeks. but if you feel content that things are now on pleasant terms and you don't feel the need for a deeper friendship, than you can probably leave it how it is.

  13. says

    I agree with the first commenter… wait a couple of months and send her another card with your phone number. And then let her call you when she's ready, since you know that you're already ready. Does that make sense? You just don't want to catch her off guard.

  14. says

    I'm glad that she responded so nicely! I think since you don't have her phone number, maybe wait at least a month and then send another one with you phone number. It will allow her to choose what to do!

  15. says

    If it was me, I would see if she was on facebook, try and be friend her, and ask her to lunch! I am a risk taker though! You only live once and if you never try, you will never know. if she doesn't respond well at least you know you tried!

  16. says

    I'm glad that she wrote back so postively …. What a releif & either way that was a big move on your part & you should be proud of yourself & your efforts.
    Happy Wednesday :)

  17. says

    I'm so happy she wrote back and that it was a nice card. Short and sweet. I think you should write back. Start up a dialog with her. Ask her questions and encourage a conversation. I know how you feel, it is so nerve-wracking. I never know what to do in these situations so maybe I'm not the best person to be giving advice. haha.

    <3 Ashley
    ashley dot hasty at gmail dot com

  18. says

    Krysten, I'm going to be honest and say that I didn't read that card as encouraging of re-kindling the friendship. She says she's sorry for the way things ended, but not that she regrets it. She doesn't mention staying in touch at all, nor does she ask any questions.

    If you want to continue to reach out for the friendship, then I would handle it the Diana suggests. But then I would leave the ball in her court and not stress it any further.

  19. says

    I'm glad you heard back–it is a nice note. I don't know if I'd keep trying at this point or not–other readers also notice she doesn't pursue getting together. I'd give it one more shot if it means that much. You'd feel good about making the effort I guess.

  20. says

    If you really want to rekindle your relationship, I would write another short note back to her. Tell her you miss her and would love to do lunch sometime and include your number. That way the ball is in her court and if she (unfortunately) feels the need to leave it at that, it's up to her. However, maybe she feels the same and will call you up! :)

    Good luck!

  21. says

    What wonderful news! I think the girls who've already commented are on to something good-write her a little letter about what you've been up to lately, and include your telephone number. So glad you send that note!

  22. says

    Does she have a facebook page? Maybe find an email and send her a quick note saying you'll be in her area and would love to catch up over coffee.

  23. says

    If you really want to be friends with her again, I say go for it! Write to her again and give her your phone number or invite her out to lunch. She could shut you down, but at least you'll know that you've done all you can to rekindle this friendship that is obviously still very important to you. She wrote back to you, which means that she is at least open to communication. You've got nothing to lose, right?

  24. says

    I'm so glad you got a positive response from her. I think it's already been mentioned, but maybe see if she's on Facebook? I think when rekindling a friendship, it's kind of like dating – start slow!

    I would probably go for coffee over lunch – slightly less intimate and there's plenty of distractions in case it doesn't go well.

    Good luck! :)

  25. says

    I am glad she wrote back so sweetly. It sounds like in her card that in her eyes the friendship is over. It sounds like she has acknowledged that and is a place where she is kind and nice but not wanting to restart the friendship. The line where she said "I am sorry things ended the way they did" seems to indicate that it's ended. But that she's not mad or angry at you.

  26. says

    you and her are an a amazing person for taking the time to write each other. Now I think you should do everything in your power to see if you can get together with her. Write a letter asking her to lunch AND include your phone number.

  27. says

    Sometimes too many opinions make us second guess our options… Follow your heart, you can never go wrong with that when you stay true to yourself!

  28. says

    I didn't read all the comments but I agree with Diane. I'd wait until Easter to send another greeting card and bring up the possibility of having lunch and to email you or something? Give it time to heal instead of rushing into it with her. :)

  29. says

    You've got nothing to lose. If you truly miss her and want to patch up the friendship, be open and honest and let her know how you feel. Perhaps send a Valentine's Day card or something and ask her out for coffee. BUT, be prepared for a rejection. She is in the midst of new mommyhood and may not be able to juggle all of this right now. But I think it's important to let her know how you feel, so maybe in the future you can mend things. Good luck!

  30. says

    I think it's so great that she responded! And a really positive sign…. I think you should go for it! You reached out with this card and it turned out so well… Who knows what could happen with your friendship if you tried again with the intent to see each other… :)

  31. says

    this is tricky…her note was very nice but I feel like if she wanted a phone call then she would have included her phone number, maybe just reach out one more time and see if you two can meet in person…talking things out face to face would be the best thing at least in my opinion

  32. says

    Honestly, I would ask her if she wants to meet up for lunch or coffee or something. That way you can meet the baby and just chat. I went through a very similar thing with my best friend- and you are right, you will never be as close as you once were, but that is ok. Getting together will be a positive thing :)

  33. says

    It's so funny because I'm going through something really similar at the moment. A few months back, my best friend and I had a fallout, but last week I had the urge to contact her just to make sure things were okay and so that I could finally make closure and forgive her. I was also afraid of her response, but like your friend, she responded positively. While I know we're never going to be as close again, I'm happy with where our relationship is now. I don't feel hurt or angry with her anymore. I got closure.

    I think that for now you could keep in touch with Amber and her family through letters or e-mail. Build the relationship back up slowly. It'll be awkward at first, but once you guys are talking regularly, I think she'll be more open to meeting with you for lunch. Since she's a new mother and all, I'm sure that the best way to communicate for now would be through letters and e-mail.

    I hope everything works out for the best, as I am sure it will!

  34. says

    I'm so glad you got a nice response! I would've been anxious for a response, too!

    If you want to try to reunite, you could write her again after she's had the chance to settle into motherhood.

    It's totally up to you – the ball's in your court.

  35. says

    I'm so glad she wrote back in such a positive way! I will say she didn't initiate much in terms of having further contact, but she didn't turn it away completely. If you want to get together than definitely reach out.

  36. says

    I'm so glad she wrote back! Yay! :)

    I think you should send something back and include your e-mail address or phone number. Or you can wait until Easter like some other people suggested so the card has a reasoning behind it.

  37. says

    I'm glad she wrote you back, you both are great for taking time to contact each other. I'd definitely write her back in a month or so and include your number or email. I'm not entirely sure she seems over eager but you might as well try, the worst that will happen is she'll say no or you won't hear from her but at least you'll know where you stand and will have done everything in your power to correct the situation.

  38. says

    I give her a lot of credit for answering. I say drop a card here or there maybe mardi gras or something or valentine's day & eventually I would put your number in because she did answer than maybe she is sorry. I wish you the best of luck & I would definitely keep her in your mind. =)

    Melanie's Randomness

  39. says

    Maybe you could try a small gift. Nothing expensive or anything, but something from the heart that would remind her of the great times you guys had together. Possibly a vintage copy of her favorite book or a mix CD of songs that you guys loved. Let her know that you would love to start over as friends and embrace the future rather than dwell in the past. But I don't think you should pry. If she feels overwhelmed you might push her away forever.

    I hope that you can fix your friendship. I'm all too familiar with the pain of losing a friend you're close to. I'm praying for both of you. :)

  40. says

    These things are so sticky… I say invite her to lunch and feel things out. What kind of vibe are you getting from her that sort of thing. I really hope things work out.

  41. says

    I did not go back to read the "how it happened" so I don't know why the friendship breakup … but nice of you to write a letter and nice of her to respond. Her response is friendly and vague (regarding where to go from here) … seems to me the door is open for further communication. I'd send another card in a few weeks with your email and/or phone and "keep in touch" … and hopefully she will. Hope it all works out for you!

    Lulu :)

  42. says

    I'm glad that you received a positive response. I'm proud of you for taking that step – it can be so overwhelming sometimes! I'm not sure what I would do….. I would have expected her to take the next step about invitations since you took the big step about mailing her. However, since her response was positive I might offer a coffee date. That way it's still light but you can catch up for a bit.

  43. says

    I'm so glad she wrote back! I've been wondering about that, and checking your blog every day to see if you'd heard from her.

    I think the fact that she responded means she'd be open to re-kindling the friendship. Take it slow and write back again in a while (I like the Easter card idea someone mentioned) and give her your number, suggesting a Starbucks date sometime…

  44. says

    one of my best friends and i also had a falling out after a long friendship. things were said, feelings were hurt and we both walked away with our tails between our legs so to speak.

    a year or so later, when i still thought about this friend and couldn't deny that i missed her, i finally sent her a message on facebook and just apologized for everything that i said and did that offended her. at that point, it didn't matter whether she was going to apologize too or whether she was just going to forgive me, i knew i had to get everything off my chest. i waited for her to reply and when she did, it was pretty similar to what amber said. after that i sent her another message telling her that i'd like to try and repair our friendship. i told her i understood that things might not ever go back to the way they were, but that i did want to have her in my life and continue being friends with her. i think that was the harder message to send, but in the end we did repair our relationship and we are now just as good of friends as we were before.

    if i were you, i'd send her another message. it can't hurt. and after that you can at least say you tried!

    good luck. i hope everything goes alright. that's a tough situation to be in for sure.

  45. says

    I would let it be. I mean maybe in a few weeks or around Easter you can send her another card and give her your number but I think from the note and her not giving hers that she may just want to end it on friendly terms.

  46. says

    I think I would write back and ask her to lunch. Not sure if I would ask to see the baby just because I would want her to know that I was truly interested in a friendship with her above all!
    But I guess that is just me. I think sometimes mommies think that people are only interested in their babies. I've seen it happen to my friends.
    But definitely write back and give her your number and maybe even ask for hers.
    So wonderful that she wrote back in a positive way.
    No matter what you did a great thing and you should be proud of the way you handled it!!

  47. says

    So glad you heard from her in the end!! I would send a new card or a letter and ask for her mail adress or if maybe she would want to meet up for lunch :)

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you two!!


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