Best Friends

Last night Taryn (my sister in law) and Julia (cousin in law) came over. We just hung out and watched TV and chatted. And it was NICE.

Sometimes I forget what having girl friends is like.

Once upon a time I had the best of friends. Some of them I’d known since 7th grade. We went WAY back. We had a very, wonderful history. I loved them so much. And we went through it all together. I considered myself so lucky to have the friends that I did.

I remember sitting through a speech for my college orientation. They asked everyone to raise their hands in they had BEST FRIENDS. I was surprised that less than half of the auditorium raised their hands. Then they went on to say that the college years are the years where you make your best friends, your friends for life. And I remember laughing because I had already made those friends.

My friends and I made it through the college years together. Maybe we didn’t see each other every day but we hung out when we could, called when we could and whenever we did see each other it felt like no time at all had passed.

And then one day I lost those friends. To this day I will say that I feel as if they misunderstood me. They blamed me for things that they didn’t understand and I truly feel that if they’d taken the time to understand then maybe things would be different. But they didn’t. And so we stopped being friends. I told myself I’d be okay, that I didn’t need people who wouldn’t even wait for an explanation.

While I stand firm that I didn’t do wrong what they think I did, sometimes I find myself missing those friends so much. I’m not sure if it’s because I miss THEM or if it’s because I miss having close girl friends. Because these days I don’t have best friends. And that makes me so sad.

At this point I wonder if I will ever have close girl friends again. I mean, I’m past the college years. So I’m not sure how I would ever find girl friends now. It’s not like I can take out a personal ad.

Sometimes I wish it was that easy.



  1. says

    I've been thinking lately about posting something similar… but different. I have good friends, that I call my best friends, but I don't have a single friend that I can tell EVERYTHING to. That makes me sad. I think every person needs a friend like that.

  2. says

    I'll be your friend!! :) I'm cute, I'm funny, I'd bail you out, I can keep secrets, I buy fabulous birthday and holiday gifts, and I am a great shopping partner. (and by that I mean I will convince you to buy everything)

    But yes- it does get weird as you get older. But now I'm happy with my two that are like my "go to" gals- but neither of them know each other. So I don't have the "group", but that's ok. It's actually kind of nice this way. :)

  3. says

    I miss my friends too! I feel like I lost them when I moved away after college. Now I can honestly say my husband is my best friend & i tell him everything but sometimes I miss being able to call a girlfriend up and just chatting for hours. Most of the people we hang out with are friends of his [since he has lived here almost 10 years] & it's okay…but they aren't my bfs! I still talk to my friends but I no longer have a best friend..I'm hopeful that someday I'll really bond with someone & have that friendship again..

    awesome post!

  4. says

    I miss my best friends. We all have lived in different states since High School and rarely see each other. Mostly just when one of us gets married. Its sad. I think college is a time to meet friends but it's also the time in people's lives where they are starting new things, moving, and lots of life changing events happens so its hard to always stay in touch. I moved out of the state I grew up in so now I'm away from everyone I grew up with and often feel I don't have best friends close by (minus family). At least you have your hubby, the best friend you could ever have who will never leave you!

  5. says

    I had a falling out with someone I was friends with for a really long time. She wasn't my best friend, but we were close and did almost everything together. We fought about something that I did and I ended up feeling guilty even though I firmly believed that I was right. I can see now that our friendship was extremely one sided and I don't need friendships like that in my life. However it still makes me sad sometimes – like when I see her on the train and she refuses to acknowledge my existence.

    It is tough making new friends when you are out of college. It's good that you have your sister in law. And you never know…maybe when you find a new job you'll meet some new, cool people. Until then, you have your bloggy friends!

  6. says

    i hate falling outs. i'm so sorry. most of my best friends now come from work, college, josh's friends, and even church. BUT, it's nice to be married and have that best friend that you will always have. at least we have that ♥

  7. says

    I wish you lived near me so that we could hang out. I totally know how you feel. Making friends as an adult can be so awkward. I think a lot of us have been there!

    I have a best girl friend, but she lives kind of far from me so we don't get to hang out as much as we'd like. It will probably start to bother me more once the newlywedness wears off a little. :)

  8. says

    Losing best friends is one of the hardest things to go through, especially when it's over a misunderstanding. Sometimes I feel like all my friends are going in different directions — like we're not on the same page anymore, and that's what makes me sad. xo

  9. says

    have you thought of trying to reconnect with the friends you've lost? sometimes time really does make all the difference… i recently made up with my best friend after a big fight, and was shocked by how easy it was to make up.

  10. says

    I know the feeling. I'm worried that I'm going to move here in a few months and that I won't have any friends. I just feel I'm past the point in my life where it's easy to make girlfriends.

  11. says

    Oh I know what you mean. I went from growing up in a small, one-road town with dozens of best friends to living smack-dab in the middle of a big city where I knew no one. Sure I have friends, but no best friends here. I miss that so much!

    My friend Shasta started a website that provides ways for women to meet and hang out because not having close friends is so common for so many women. Right now it's in select cities across the country, but it's growing. It's hopefully there will be more things like this popping up. You are not alone!

  12. says

    I know exactly what you mean. I had a friend who was my best friend for literally, my entire life. I knew her Mom when she was still a fetus, for cryin' out loud. Our Moms were friends, too. Three months ago, we stopped being friends. It's the strangest feeling. I'm in university and I don't even know how to go about making friends, never mind finding a new BEST friend.

  13. says

    I am going through some friend changes these days myself. I thought I would always have the same friends from HS and college, and lately I am finding that I am drifting apart. Some of them, I feel do not understand me anymore, and I do not understand some of them. Then, of course, having kids doesn't make it easier either.

    Just know that you are loved by all of us and that you are going to have an incredible time in Mexico! YEAH!

  14. says

    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It is harder to make friends after college with people other than coworkers. Do you ever hang out with any other couples? Maybe join a club or take a class or something to help you meet people.

  15. says

    I know what you mean, everything has changed! I always see posts and shows about this group of close friends and I find myself jealous! =/ I have very few friends perhaps thats why I blog! lol how lame. I always tell my bf oh she looks like someone I could be friends with! uhmm but how do I initiate it!? Its akward because I am older! and not in a school setting anymore!

  16. says

    I can completely understand you. I really don't have any girlfriends that I spend a lot of time with. I actually never have. I mean, I had friends in high school but never ones I spend 24/7 with. I guess I'm just a girl who doesn't have a lot of best friends. I really want to change it but I don't know how! lol…maybe I should take out an ad as well?

  17. says

    Close adult friends are hard to find, but all that work you put into it will make it all the more worth it when you find it. Good friendships take work and a blessing to come along.

  18. says

    Sadly, this is such a familiar tale post-college, even post-marriage…I also miss my college friends who at the time were the world to me and then suddenly, they just weren't there. It's a hard transition, but I think it is part of life's way to make us stronger. Hang in there, new people come into our lives when we least expect it…think of it as all of the fabulous, new people you haven't even met yet! Enjoy your vacation!

  19. says

    I've had a rough time with friends too that blamed me for doing something I didn't even do. We totally misunderstood each other's point and reasons and one thing led to another and we ruined our friendship. :( I think it's sad. Today I talk to only one of these friends and the other one occasionally talks to me but it doesn't feel right and it just plainly feels weird. :( So I am a lonely girl with no friends at the moment. But I guess this is life sometimes.


  20. says

    Since I have moved to a new state I have joined a local organization to help me make new friends – while not easy, it is possible to make new friends after 30. I am sorry to hear about your experience. I think that may be more common than we know.

    Stopping by from SITS today.

  21. says

    I hear ya. I had friends I thought I'd be friends with forever. Even in college, I made friends- best friends- that I thought we'd be friends forever. No. I feel like I'm still searching for those best girl friends too. I do have a best friend- but HIS name is Adam and he lives on the other side of the country going to law school. Your post also reminded me of 2 "friends" I lost just this last fall because I am apparently a horrible person according to them. (Misunderstanding much like yourself)

    So I'll be your friend lady! I'm in MN- and just a short drive away from the MOA if you ever wanna meet up for coffee or shopping or whatever :) (And by short drive, I really mean, like an hour lol)


  22. says

    Oh girl I hear ya on this one. Girlfriends are the hardest to find and sometimes the hardest to keep. Reason being…we are women!!! We over analyze things, and get catty over the silliest of things. I hope you find some girlfriends that you can become close with one day, but until then know that you have all of here in blog land! :)

    P.S. Have some serious fun this next week on your vacation!

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