Hi. My name is Krysten. And on Monday I was laid off from my job.
I don’t want to go into details. I’ve been over them enough that they whirl and spin in my head and bring tears to my eyes. I will say that I think it’s all very unfair and that it has to do with the friend that I lost on NYE.
And I’ll say that I feel as if I’ve been broken up with. I have been with Caribou for four and a half years. We’ve had our ups and downs. Its been a rollercoaster. But for the most part Caribou has treated me well. And I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that now it’s GONE. And I can’t rely on it anymore.
Part of me is absolutely petrified. How do you find a job when you’ve been laid off from the job you’ve been with for YEARS? Even if someone looks at my application and gives me an interview how do I get past the words LAID OFF? And meanwhile, how will Dustin and I stay afloat? Things are going to be really, really tight. Really tight. I am scrambling to find ANY job just to have a paycheck. And on top of all that, I’m now out health and dental insurance. And the little voice in the back of my head is saying, “Krysten, you better not get sick. You better not need your wisdom teeth out. YOU HAD BETTER NOT GET PREGNANT.” Oh my gosh. Last week life was nearly rosey. This week…
On the other hand, part of me is almost relieved. I know, what? Let me explain. Over the years with Caribou there have been a number of times that I’ve thought, “Ugh, I can’t do this anymore. I need to move on.” But I’ve always stayed. Partly because I didn’t feel like dealing with a job hunt. Partly because I KNOW Caribou, I could do the job in my sleep. Partly because, like breaking up with that bad boyfriend, I can still pick out the GOOD things and sometimes they seem GOOD ENOUGH. And so although I wish that I had been able to quit and I wish that I had quit AFTER I already found another job… well, part of me is trying to look at this as a new adventure. Time to do something new. Time to do something scary. Time to move on.
Yes. This is why I’ve been so mopey and scared. This is why my Twitter and Facebook statuses are all negative. I keep telling myself that it really could be worse and that things will get better. But. I’ve always been a glass half empty kind of girl. So it’s hard to see the good sometimes.
Anyway. That’s my BIGBADNEWS.